HEY, YO, WAITER, I NEED A REFILL.

Its Friday again, that day of the week when you get mixed feelings, you really never know whether its worth the joy of ending a week or the worrying prospects of another intolerable week that starts 3 days later. Well, for those of you who still gulp from the brown bottle, today is the day to sleep in the gutter. Were it not for my reformed manners I certainly would be ready to share a gutter with the local drunkard tonight. It's those weekends that one would loathe to push through, this is why i need a refill...

Those Negroids don wanna pay tax.
Waiter, I need a refill, my M.P doesn't want to pay tax, so I just want to drink the lights out so that as I trek my way home I can pelt his watchman with stones, pee on his dog and call him all manner of insulting names. How can he not pay tax, yet he literally pockets all that I pay? Come on! So giving to Caesar what is Caesar's has now becoming not a duty but an act of philanthropy? Crap! I heard it's because he has arrears to clear, big deal! Who doesn't have any of those responsibilities? I mean, listen here Ms. Waiter, even this liquor I'm sipping, come Monday I'll have to pay back my neighbour, because I'm drinking on his cash, so I don't see the validity of area rs as an excuse for lack of payment of tax, so come on, gimme a refill.

Flour is as expensive as a bottle of Smirf.
Waiter do me a refill. Listen, I don't even know where to start. Recently, I was buying a bag of unga at 70 bob. The other day I gave the shopkeeper 150 bob for a bag of unga and got 12 bob back. I mean, what the hell? Now buying flour is more expensive than... thaaan... er... than buying *hic* than buying a bottle of liquor, so come on waiter, gimme a refill.. Chap chap!! I'm tired of pushing on like this, no food, no nothing! How do they expect the local beggar to survive, if everyone is being reduced to this? Refill!!

Petrol.
I sunk my Chevrolet into the pet hole, because I can't stand the price of petrol. Think of it this way, if I don't buy petrol anymore for 3 months, ill have enough cash to buy a Mercedes... Ma bad, still won't be able to drive it though because I can't afford petrol. So I'd rather have a refill myself because filling my tank is like buying cactus in the sea. I need a refill waiter... *hic*. So that I can go set my car ablaze and watch it burn from a distance, before it crops down to it's chassis and flat tyres in the parking lot. I'd rather walk to work... But just before that, can i have a refill?

1 Shilling equals 15,000 U.K pennies.
I hear they buy Pounds with our shillings, and apparently they buying it for that much. If only I was from England I would be hawking the pound to Kenyans. The economy is at a depriving state, depriving this state of its citizen's hard earned revenue. They said the Shilling was weakening so I tried hitting mine with a hammer to no avail. The note tore rather easily though so I think they ought to have said the note is weakening. This things are incomprehensible to me, hehe... I think, so come on waiter. Let me jog ma mind so feel obliged to pour me a refill.

My Ministers' are thieves.
Apparently, they have perfected the act of stealing, that they don't even wait for dusk. In fact, they'd do it at the very glare of a camera. Those bastards! Their sons and daughters school in the most affluent of schools yet they deprive the common mwananchi's children the right to education. They've gone back to the days of feeding from us and puking on our feet. Ministers don't want the mini stars of today to shine tomorrow... Man, I'm hurt. And more so I'm mad... I so need a refill, waiter.

Damn, the weather.
Ms. Waiter, I'm still an eligible bachelor really dug into the swag, I mean, I ain't ready to have someone else hanging on my loose pocket, but, is there any better way to survive through this weather without having to confine myself into matrimonial slavery? Don't tell me about sweaters and jumpers I'm done and fed up with that. I need the sun back blazing like the savages in the Caribbean. I miss the sun, and if I'm not wrong I even think its warmer at night when the bulbs are on. Well, before I go bask in the bulb, the only other warm thing I have besides my big heart, pour me some liquor waiter, do me the refill.


My results are out!!! YEAH 
Ha ha, waiter, well, let me get all eloquent now this is rather important. Bartender, I wish to thank all my colleagues that let me sample from their hard compiled assignments, those that reminded me that it was C.A.T day and those that took it upon their own responsibility to scavenge the handouts for me. I feel most honoured. You remember the weekend just before my law of torts exam when I was forced to cancel my date with Ms. Henessy? Well, the show payed off because consequently I didn't have to run into my lecturer in the pub, he surely wouldn't have awarded me that A. Albeit the problems I have been going through, a reason to celebrate, so come on waiter, see to it that I get a refill, similarly, give double to whatever everyone in the joint is having, beer or joint, put the problems away. It's never that hard earned a coin so i coined the phrase, 'hey, yo, waiter, gimme a refill'!!

Disclaimer.
This article is not written in any way to advocate for alcohol consumption. The author is a dedicated teetotaller, and warns against excessive consumption, it is harmful to your health.